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Joke of the Day

"Is your body from McDonalds? Why because you are loving it.... No ...because its fat and greasy."

"I think my grandmother has been spying on me in my bedroom. She told me I have a lot of spunk!"

"""I've got chills. They're multiplying."" ""Sir, you're going into shock. Please stop narrating--"" ""And I'm losing control."" ""Sir!"""

"Did you hear about the biggest breakfast ever served? Back in the 1940's, some guy made over 6 million jews toast."

"A surprise party on someone's birthday isn't surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night."

"I recently rewatched The Lion King and just noticed how many metaphors there were... I guess you can say there was a whole lot of *Simba*-lism."

"I'm still a little pissed we didn't get to keep the tail through the evolutionary process."

"I really identify with the trans movement... For the first 9 months of my life, I was a man trapped in a woman's body!"

"What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade? Flash-banged. ;)"

"I'm thinking about selling my vacuum cleaner... ... All it does is collect dust."