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Joke of the Day

"TIL 5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions."

"M$ forever! [oneliner] The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck, is the day they make a vacuum cleaner."

"DATE: *takes a sip of her water* ME: haha ok wow can you tone down the pda you're behaving very erotically"

"Please don't drink and drive. Last night I put my hand out of the car to indicate i was turning right and some moron pulled the the bottle out of my hand"

"I used to do drugs i still do, but i used to to. -Mitch rip the legendary Mitch Hedberg"

"They say history is written by the winners... But actually, history is written by historians and most of them are losers."

"What happens when you come across lion? Wipe it off and say sorry."

"TIL that the FDA has recommended a permanent ban on all shredded cheeses be put in place immediately. It's part of an official federal plan to make America grate again."

"I Once Tried to Break the World Record for Most Records Broken Suffice to say, the employees at Village Music World were not happy with me."

"Before I give a speech, I always tell myself I won't quote Linkin Park But in the end it doesn't even matter"