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Joke of the Day

"Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks."

"What is the similarity between a blonde and a turtle? When they fall on their backs they're fucked"

"As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: ""Let me see your phone"""

"Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both are in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!"

"Its too expensive to put up Christmas lights these days. I'm just going to hire a bunch of Mexicans to sit on my roof with flashlights."

"Why should Donald Trump change his name to Donald Duck? Because he's a quack."

"How did the swordsman keep annoying r/jokes? Constant ripostes."

"Why did the skeleton knew that it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, Idiot (Wow didnt see that coming did you *wink*)"

"Sometimes I like to freak out the toddler by putting my iPad to my ear and frantically asking her if I've been miniaturized."

"[jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go"