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Joke of the Day

"Scientists finally discovered how an elephant trumpets. Maybe now they can get back to curing cancer..."

"""Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?"" - every Sears commercial"

"A man heard that over 90% of car accidents happen within 15 km of home. So he moved."

"I have erectile dysfunction, and I'm constipated. My doctor prescribed me Viagra and Ex-lax... Now I don't know if I'm coming or going!"

"Easter is almost here. So to celebrate, I'm going to get nailed and hammered like Jesus would want me to."

"What does a code-switching trilingual Russian say when he wants to increase his bovine supply? Mas cow."

"I just bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day"

"A french gymnast is getting ready to perform... His coach walks up and says, ""Break a leg!"""

"What does a confused student at Hogwarts study? Which craft?"

"I asked the barista for a Nyquilatte. He was really hairy, like a werewolf. A ""wereista"" if you will. I may have already had some Nyquil."