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Joke of the Day

"Easter is almost here. So to celebrate, I'm going to get nailed and hammered like Jesus would want me to."

"- grabs leash - grabs phone - takes dog out for walk - pulls out phone - checks Twitter - walks dog to South America"

"What did the Mexican guy say when the two houses fell on him? Get off me homes."

"So I shot my first turkey for thanksgiving today... It scared the hell out of the people in the frozen foods section though."

"Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get."

"Terrible I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"I lost the Sore Loser Award last night... It's okay. The guy who won really deserved it and there is always next year."

"Why did the one handed man cross the road? To get to the second hand shop."

"I had unprotected sex with a neurotic person a while back... Now I have genital worrywarts."

"I don't always drink.... What were we talking about again?"