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Joke of the Day

"Friend: your not going to believe this but my whole family was killed in a freak accident! Me: *you're"

"Anyone watch story on the news about the corduroy pillows? It's making all the headlines."

"[high school reunion] Amanda: wow, you haven't changed a bit me: [covered in acne and wearing faded Pokemon shirt]: yeah I know"

"I was going to make an anal joke... butt fuck it. I know I know I'm a terrible reposter. I'll see myself out."

"What do you call little kids in Belgium? Brusselsprouts"

"I took some pictures of my girlfriend's butt this morning I'm saving them for posteriority."

"I found three french fries inside my $1 McDouble. Dream big, kids. Anything is possible."

"How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at him/her!"

"Does anyone know of any rappers who are proud of their hometowns?"

"I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me... She calls me her sixty second lover...."