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Joke of the Day

"Q: What do you give a dog with a fever? A: Mustard. (It's good for a hot dog.)"

"Accidentally walked into the men's room so I just went ahead and used the urinal so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone."

"Sometimes I think I have the worst job in the world... ... and then I remember there are people who work in PR for Comcast."

"What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference? System of a Downs My Chemical Imbalance. Youth In Asia"

"why didn't natalie wood take a shower on the boat? she wanted to wash up on shore..."

"but how do I know if a guy hates me FOR ME"

"GF: What a perfect night ME: It gets better *bends on 1 knee* Will you... GF: OMG yes! ME: *puts Space Jam DVD on her finger* put this in?"

"Having sex with your clone... Is it incest or masturbation?"

"MUGGER: give me ur wallet ME: stand back i have mace MUGGER: [sniffing] is this cookies-scented febreze"

"Did you hear about the new toilet upstairs? That's some next level shit"