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Joke of the Day

"""You know what? Guys should play ALL the parts. We could even wear dresses and kiss and stuff."" - Shakespeare's gay friend"

"Can you spell very happy with three letters? XTC (ecstasy)."

"What does 70 year old pussy taste like? Depends."

"I treat my wife like a fine wine. I keep that bitch locked in the cellar."

"What did the American accountant say to his British counterpart? Mind the GAAP."

"Once you understand they're unwilling time travelers dropped here moments earlier, the confused actions of squirrels suddenly make sense."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Need to know ASAP."

"What did the mobster call it when he couldn't move his dead friend's body? Rigatoni!"

"I like my women like I like my pizza... ...hot, cheap, and on the go."

"Sometimes I smoke a cigarette after sex because it's hard to explain that I'm lighting a match to get rid of the smell."