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Joke of the Day

"[me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?"

"All cicadas must be female because they never shut the fuck up."

"What idiot called it Canada and not the US of Eh?"

"Since I can't afford porn, I just turn on tennis and shut my eyes."

"If ""kiss me"" doesn't work, ""I'm Irish"" isn't gonna get you any closer."

"Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar ? He wanted sweet and sour pork !"

"Where is the Pokemon? Peek-a-chu!"

"I like my wine like my women 11 years old and locked up in my cellar"

"You can learn a lot from a woman wielding a knife. For example, your top running speed."

"Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks."