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Joke of the Day

"People keep telling me that I have a higher chance of getting mugged in London than in New York. Well, what do they expect, I don't live in New York."

"My weather forecast is always ""room temperature."""

"I will never miss you, because I'm a really good shooter."

"Imagine going to a theater in 1765 to see Mozart play symphony number 30 but as soon as he starts playing, the bass drops and people go nuts"

"""How can it be global warming,"" pondered @realDonaldTrump, ""if it's cold outside? Cold is the opposite of warm. Science is hard."""

"Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ? Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !"

"*Bursts into bank* Robber: THIS IS A ROBBERY. HANDS UP. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Bank clerk: No that's clearly a shotgun 2nd robber: OOOH SNAP!"

"Chimps Broke Out of Ferguson Zoo Apparently they're starting fires across town."

"Jesus walks into a hotel He throws a bag of nails on the counter and says, ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien."