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Joke of the Day

"I like my women how I like my file systems. FAT and 32"

"911: What is your emergency? Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us."

"Always ask ""are you voting for Sanders?"" before sex. If they say ""yes"" you know they are too young."

"ME: honey, just tap me on the arm tonight if you think I've gotten too drunk WIFE: I've been tapping your arm for the last 2 hours"

"What do a black person and a bike have in common? they both don't work without a chain."

"What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg ? It eggs-plodes !"

"Paychecks are like dicks... Although you don't go around comparing yours to other peoples, you always hope it's a little bigger."

"My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!"

"What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast? Miracle whip."

"Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote ""we'll deliver your load on time"" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter."