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Joke of the Day

"Always ask ""are you voting for Sanders?"" before sex. If they say ""yes"" you know they are too young."

"A single word can make a heart open. That word is ""scalpel."""

"British jokes aren't funny anymore. They lack hEUmour."

"Why did the strawberry cross the road? There was a traffic jam."

"What do you call Squidward when he gives DNA results for a living? You call 'im Maury. :)"

"wife: ""you promised you wouldnt buy anything stupid with our lottery winnings"" me: [covering penguin's ears] ""he can hear you linda"""

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? And 'entruncated'? How about 'monosyllabic'? Who's running this language?"

"What kind of pants does Super Mario wear? [Denim, denim, denim.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0SuIMUoShI)"

"Yoga? No thank you. I'll download an app to my phone so I don't have to stretch for the remote."

"First Cannibal: ""Have you seen the dentist?"" Second Cannibal: ""Yes he filled my teeth at dinner time."""