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Joke of the Day

"Dear Google Maps, Don't insult me by telling me to head ""southwest"". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you. Kthnxbye"

"Bought some shoes from a drug dealer... Not sure what he laced them with, but I have been trippen' all day."

"Heard this at Disney... What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino? What? An elephino! (What's better is that they tell this surrounded by kids, and the parent's all just chuckle)"

"Why do they call it Black Friday? Because it's the only day blacks can afford to go shopping"

"Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor? He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway."

"i said no to the dress & now my familys being held against their will in an undisclosed location theyve already sent me two of my son's toes"

"Every program I write is completely error free No exceptions"

"What did pirate say when he turned 80? AYE MATEY"

"I think the only time my ex didn't fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers."

"*shitting pants, crying, missing my shoe* yoga instructor: you need to leave me: oh is this not child's pose?"