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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna name my firstborn ""arial"" and people will be like ""oh like the mermaid"" and i'll say ""no like the font"""

"Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Two wongs don't make a white"

"password that you shouldn't use dick"

"Sorry babe I wasn't paying attention sorry babe I wasn't paying attention, can you start over ? ok, from where ? 2009"

"Meanwhile back in class... Teacher : How much is a gram? Me: Depends on what you are looking for ... Teacher : GET OUT! NOW! Me: So, did you still need that, or naw?"

"My tombstone will say, ""She was a people pleaser most of her life until one day she snapped and had to be taken out by the national guard."""

"""Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?"" ""No sweetie, Barbie comes with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken"""

"A Roman walk into a bar A Roman walks into the bar, hold up 2 fingers and say '5 beer please'"

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands."

"Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?"