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Joke of the Day

"9: What did that message on the TV say Me: It said, the film has been modified to fit our screen 9: How do they know what size TV we have?"

"Startup idea: a gym named Resolution that runs for the 1st month of the year, collects subscription fee, then converts to a bar named Regret"

"I hate eating vegetables... The wheelchair is always getting in the way"

"JOKE: What's an easy way on /r/jokes to find feminism jokes? Just look for ones that have a ""JOKE:"" disclaimer"

"A dog walks into a bar.. ""I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"""

"My favorite part of football is when players ""look to God."" Because He's all, ""I can't do shit for the Middle East but I'm rooting for YOU."""

"TIL an African grey parrot, who lives an incredibly long life, can learn up to the vocabulary of an 8 year old. So when do you have the sex talk?"

"1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream ""WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"""

"*gets crushed by a bus* *checks to see if phone is intact*"

"What's the worst part about being a black jew? Sitting at the back of the oven.."