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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between boogers and rice pudding? Nobody eats rice pudding."

"Which came first: the chicken or the egg? The chicken. Eggs don't come."

"One can't fly, but a toucan."

"I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world I told them to fuck off. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving."

"Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks."

"I lost the Sore Loser Award last night... It's okay. The guy who won really deserved it and there is always next year."

"32 is taking me to dinner, 29 is taking me to a concert, & 26 is taking me straight to bed. I don't have kids, did I do that right?"

"What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's? Jackpot!"

"What do you get when you cross Jesus with a dinosaur? A velocirapture"

"A black lesbian, an obese white neck-beard, and an Indian comic walk into a bar. What do you get? A Netflix original series!"