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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to say some wise and meaningful shit, but the fact I just referred to it as ""shit"" shows just how meaningful I can be."

"As of last night my mom has more Aerosmith tattoos than my sister again. For now anyway."

"No Smoking Salesgirl : Sir no smoking in the shop. Man : But i purchased cigarette from your shop. Salesgirl : Sir we sell Condoms too, but it doesn't mean u start Fucking us ."

"What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment."

"What do you call a homosexual on roller skates.. Rolaids. I'll see my out guys."

"*Boss approaches desk* ""What the fu.."" Me, wearing paper clip necklace - ""See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"""

"Why didn't the fat duck have any friends? Because he was ostrich-sized."

"Why's the little boy scarred for life after going to buy his mom some earrings? He went to Jared."

"ME: hey guys what's the herps? HIM: u mean haps? M: oh, haha yea. what's the itch?I mean sitch H: uh M: hows it herpin? H: M: I have herpes"

"Waiter waiter does the pianist play requests? Yes sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal."