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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Nigel Farage like election forecasts? He dislikes ~~poles~~ polls How do you type jokes that rely on similar sounding words? It hard :("

"*clears throat and reads from the ancient parchment* i love big tittys"

"What do you call an emo on a hiking trip? Cliffhanger."

"Q: Have you heard about the new Iraqi Air Force exercise program? A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there."

"Women are supposed to be like butterflies, beautiful and hard to catch... ...But most of you are like mosquitoes, annoying and easy to smash."

"I need beer money but I've probably captured my neighbor's cat and returned it for the reward one too many times."

"""Will you please stop chasing heavy women?"" ""I am not chasing them...they just happen to land on me and I cant get up."""

"Whenever someone says they have ""a thing"" for me, I secretly hope it's a pony."

"How does Sherlock prefer his tea? Steeped in mystery!"

"Dear Johnson & Johnson: Ejacu-lotion Please DM me for my address to send royalties checks."