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Joke of the Day

"If you think it hurts to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, you've clearly never lost close to 500 GB's worth of data on your hard drive."

"In Massachusetts you can't buy liquor before noon on Sundays. But bless your raging alcoholic heart for trying."

"When does a fisherman offend you the most? When he's completely out of line"

"Where do you find the Bible in a library? ""Fiction""."

"[Bad] Why was the gourmet upset when he saw the menu? The prices were gastronomical... (I'll show myself out...)"

"I didn't recognize you It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, ""You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you."""

"""I don't really know my best position. left, right or center"" ""Wayne, just get on the fcuking plane and pick an aisle will you."""

"What does a fresh egg say when you try to hardboil it? It'll take me about 20 minutes to get hard, I just got laid by some chick."

"What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed-wire fence? Utter destruction!"

"I tried to keep this fart a secret.. but the news got out.. I guess it leaked."