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Joke of the Day

"If you think it hurts to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, you've clearly never lost close to 500 GB's worth of data on your hard drive."

"Which came first. . . social media or dumb people? AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language?"

"I am terrified of elevators I am going to start taking steps to avoid them"

"What happened when the pig ran into his ex? there was a porkward silence"

"Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?"

"Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust? He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*"

"I found a lone sock left in the laundry room and I thought to myself, ""poor sole""."

"To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either."

"Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off."

"My doctor told me I have the vitals of someone half my age. I have no idea how he found out, but now I'll have to kill him too."