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Joke of the Day

"According to the principle of the sandwich, if you put butter on both sides the sandwich will hang in the air."

"If money doesn't buy happiness.. then explain why you have to pay for a divorce."

"Hooker to customer: ""I will do anything for you for $500"". Customer says incredulously: ""ANYTHING?"" Hooker: ""Sure"" Customer: ""Meet me at my house on Friday, I want you to -"" ""paint my house."""

"What do Mexican Zombies eat? Re-fried brains."

"My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks. They are all very well done"

"[1st date] Her: I love quail Me: Omg me too! H: Love Cher M: Omg me too! H: Love men Me: Omg me too! H: Love Pepsi M: WTF is wrong with you?"

"In my experience there's two ways to get things done, the right way and the drunk way."

"I accidentally ordered a grande at Dunkin Donuts so I had to just keep speaking spanish so they wouldn't think I was a snob."

"Russian Cosmonauts have been banned from telling jokes on the Interational Space Station... ... because they always involve Mir puns."

"If I had to guess where everything went wrong, I'd have to say it was the day I learned ""elemenopee"" wasn't one awesome letter."