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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don't think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? (Say it out) An elephino!"

"There are always two ways to look at things. I prefer to look at them my way."

"Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper? McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder."

"*on the subway* CUTE GUY: [mouths ""hi""] PRETTY GIRL: [mouths ""hi"" back] ME, IN BETWEEN THEM: [exaggeratedly mouths ""YOU GUYS LIKE HOTDOGS""]"

"420 is a gateway holiday to harder, more serious holidays."

"How is a dyslexic stand-up like an MMA fighter who comes home to find his GF in a gangbang? They both punchup the fuckline."

"Him:Wow you came back from your run in record time... Me:It's amazing how fast you can go if you imagine your mother is chasing you..."

"What do young ghosts write their homework in? Exorcise books."

"How do you know when the drummer has shown up for band practice? He won't stop banging at the door."