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Joke of the Day

"""How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?"" - Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets"

"If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!"

"tits What does one saggy tit say to another saggy tit? ""If we keep on sagging like this, they might think we're nuts!"""

"It's fun to chant ""Bloody Mary"" three times into your car's side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up"

"In England, a movie theater had to cancel a showing of ""Noah"" due to a flood in the movie theatre. Either that or the 3-D in that theater is really good."

"How man Jews can you fit in a Mercedes? A few thousand. They all fit in the ashtray"

"You're not sure outrun and make sure."

"What's your best elephant joke sequence?"

"[blind date] HER: lmao! You seriously wore pajamas on a first date? ME: hey!! You're not blind!!"

"THE DOCTOR WITH HIS PATIENT The doctor to the patient: You are very sick' The patient to the doctor: Can I get a second opinion?' The doctor again: Yes, you are very ugly too...'"