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Joke of the Day

"if you meet an american who knows anything about the metric system, you have met a drug user."

"Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub. Wife: ""But we don't *have* a penguin!"" Me: ""And now for the good news...!"""

"What is the best letter who represent a man? (A favorite joke of my mother) The Q because is a big zero with a small tail."

"I sure hope skinny jeans are still in fashion. After all the calories I consumed over the holidays that's what all my pants are now."

"Why didn't the atheist businesswoman make any money? She didn't believe in prophets."

"So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem... Comes out of nowhere"

"Why is it a bad idea to snort cocaine out of someone's butthole? It's been tainted"

"Why do female skydivers use tampons? So they don't whistle on the way down! (Ba-dum tish)"

"[sermon] There will come a day when Christ will drive out evil from our land, and it will be the Judgment Day! *T-1000 shifts nervously*"

"According to Proactiv commercials, people with acne are incapable of being happy AND finding love. Tough break, mutants."