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Joke of the Day
"The last time Twitter was down I realized it didn't take 6 hours to poop."
Next Joke
"If Earth was a rented apartment, ain't NOOOO WAAAAAY we're getting our security deposit back."
"According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, when parents relax, children must increase the amount of disorder in the universe to compensate."
"What song people listen to while jumping off skyscrapers? Let the bodies hit the floor by Drowning Pool."
"[Job Interview] HR : What do you consider your biggest weakness? Me : (pulls out machete) *whispers under my breath ""I can't forgive people"""
"I once knew this incredibly meticulous man from Taiwan. He was a real Taipei personality."
"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A Fsh"
"I'm hoping the nuclear strike button & the trap-door for hecklers button on Trump's desk are completely different colours."
"When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young!!"
"The worst thing about Obama's presidency is knowing Will Smith will play him in the eventual biopic and win an Oscar. Fuck that."