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Joke of the Day

"I'm ONLY remembering to drink fluids because you told me to. NOT because fluids are literally the only thing you CAN drink, KAREN."

"White people be loving the shit out of fall foliage."

"*malia passes me a joint* thanks obama"

"Father of 7 month old accidentally throws 6 pack on child's head while getting into car But the baby was fine, it was light beer."

"My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4"

"I'm sick of hearing about this World Class chef at Taco Bell. Chefs don't work at Taco Bell. Your weed dealer works at Taco Bell."

"The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit."

"Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces? Submarines."

"I heard they were going to put Frederick Douglass on the Fifty. But they were worried it would only be worth $30."

"When is a pentagon not a pentagon? When it's intercepted by a separate plane."