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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a five year old in a track suit & a gold chain. His nana didn't think it was funny when I asked him if he could hook up some blow."

"Stephen Hawkins goes on a date.... he comes back a couple of hours later with broken glasses, grazed knees, twisted ankle. She'd stood him up."

"""AAAAHH EARTHQUAKE! Oh good, now it is snowing"" - If I lived in a snow globe."

"I don't believe in stereotypes. Because that would mean all Asians would be driving big or expensive vehicles to make up for their penis size."

"Three eyes What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig What do you call a chimp with three eyes? A chiiimp What do you call a kid with three eyes? Chinese"

"My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside."

"I sent the guy on the couch to the store for bread. I'll get 6 texts and a phone call and he'll come back with peaches."

"I feel like every time a GOP candidate drops out, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed"

"What makes football players bi-sexual? They play with Cleats and Balls all day."

"I hate that random song you hear in the morning and gets stuck in your head all day long."