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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama is so ugly that she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares."

"The story of the upvote DAT SHAT be unin a gut tiiime we needsa usa deaa oopvote us a doonvote n all da boom world bee hap hap@#! Der viginia is a centurfuge of paap!@#$%^&*()_+"

"I once met an irritating man who upheld his family name. He was Hanoi-Ying."

"How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus, the clowns don't talk."

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but i've been tripping all day!"

"I accidentally swallowed a contact lens today... I've never seen my colon with such clarity before."

"I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out. It felt good being on the winning side for once."

"What do you call a Polish aardvark? A Polaark!"

"My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists."

"Wife: I feel horrible; I look old, fat and completely unattractive. I really need you to pay me a compliment. Husband: Your eyesight and opinion is damn right."