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Joke of the Day

"Why do female zombies have such a terrible sex life? Because whenever they shout, ""I want you inside me."" all of the guys run away."

"Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well"

"Took me three hours to drive home through the snow, but it was worth it because when I got home, my family totally ignored me."

"Identity theft is the most diabolical way someone can compliment you on doing a good job at life."

"My dentist told me I have to stop masturbating. I said, ""Why?"" He said, ""Because I'm trying to work on your teeth!"""

"Why do Steven Avery's victims see him naked from the waist down? Because his lawyers keep filing away his briefs."

"Always trust your dog's first impression of someone."

"Q. Why did the jellybean go to school? A. Because he wanted to be a smarty"

"Have you heard about the slippery eel ? Didn't think so you wouldn't be able to grasp it !sna"

"You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, ""I just find it funny how..."" because there's a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny."