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Joke of the Day

"if the gas station is 2 miles away.. ..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?"

"""You need to stop doing chest workouts, it looks like you have boobs,"" said my wife. ""That makes one of us then,"" I replied."

"What's better than a gold medal at the Paralympics? Working legs."

"Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa? I thought he didn't care about the 1%"

"I stopped by the house I spent my childhood in, and I politely asked the owners if I could look around. They said no and slammed the door in my face My parents can be so fucking rude sometimes."

"What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back."

"What activity is easier as it gets harder? Pissing on the ceiling"

"I made up a word today! Plagiarism."

"""Always leave them wanting more"" is my new mantra when paying bills..."

"The Oedipal complex.. It's the difference between MILF and M,ILF."