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Joke of the Day

"Ruffled feathers ahead. What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner."

"I've never met a black person that didn't have a cool nickname."

"Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer. Me: yea I got arrested once Niece: omg why Me: for going through my aunt's drawers."

"(During sex) Pull my hair! No! Just the grey ones."

"You can't run through a campground, you can only ran Because it's past tents"

"Hello darkness my old friend, I fell and broke the lamp again"

"How many blind men would it take to change a light bulb? Why the fuck would a blind man need a light bulb?"

"If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. HA."

"Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire ? It bit his neck sucked his blood and said 'Who's a pretty boy then ?'!"

"I am genuinely terrified of my Biology Professor I heard he has a lot of skeletons in his closet"