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Joke of the Day

"Computers are like old testament gods. Lots of rules and no mercy. Not mine, got it somewhere on the internet."

"Just put my phone on airline mode. That's when it delays your texts for no reason & acts like it's doing you a favor when it does send them."

"My dentist not only specializes in treating cavities, but he also sells gasoline for your car. Basically he runs two filling stations."

"What do you call an empty field? The french army at the beginning of a war!"

"I Got Worried After Reading the Statistic on Marriage 50% of them last forever!"

"Cry if you missed someone. Try to shoot them again before they leave."

"Why does my computer always ask me if I'm ""sure"" about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive."

"Ordered my grilled cheese with tomato. Go hard or go home."

"Someday you'll wake up with Mark Zuckerberg in your bed because you neglected to uncheck a box."

"What do you call a smart Australian? A New Zealander"