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Joke of the Day

"No Amazon, I don't want to sort stuff by ""Price: High to Low,"" who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?"

"The AutoZone guy said my battery was out of juice but he didn't say which kind so I'm going with kiwi strawberry."

"ME: ""Whoa. Put a combo on that meat locker."" HIM: ""Huh?"" ME: ""Your fly is down, idiot."""

"sorry I called your baby an ""it"""

"Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh...standby I'll check on that."

"I saw a squirrel pooping the other day. Shit's Nuts..."

"I just checked the weather for Iraq Looks like it's partly cloudy with a chance of bomb."

"Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No ideer. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? A: Still no ideer"

"The award for best X-Man goes to... Caitlyn Jenner."

"Which president was the most logical? Lincoln. He made the most cents."