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Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised the Pope didn't tweet from an Android, considering humanity and God's experience with apples."

"What people travel the most? Romans."

"Look at the clock at the end of a workday and it's 4:04 pm. Where did the time go!?"

"Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox? He was syncing too much time into it."

"How do you deal with ignorant people? I really don't know."

"I hate double standards. If a baby crawls around, it's ""adorable,"" but if I do, I'm ""causing a disturbance"" and ""need to leave""? Whatever."

"John met god and God said ""John come forth and you will receive eternal light"" sadly John came fifth and won a toaster"

"This morning someone phoned me and told me that I need to sort my fucking life out. It was quite a wake up call."

"My credit card was stolen yesterday... Not sure if I should report it, the thief is spending a lot less than my wife normally does."

"Please spread my ashes over the breakroom at work. That way Sherry from accounting can bitch about cleaning up my messes forever."