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Joke of the Day

"Waiter: And what would the lady like? Me: Waiter: Me: Waiter: Me: Date: Gigi, he means you. Me: *blushing* Oh, wow. He called me a lady."

"Walked in for bread, walked out with 6 bottles of wine. Now we're having communion for dinner."

"Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: ""We are pressed in every way but not cramped beyond movement."""

"*4yo comes in from garden with worm* Wife: TAKE IT AWAY!!! *4yo puts on top hat as I throw him a cane and starts tap dancing*"

"A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, ""Hey - that's pretty cool. Where did you get him?"" The parrot says, ""Detroit."""

"Hey babe i wanted to marry you but i had to ask your dad first and he said yes so i guess i'm marrying your dad"

"I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul."

"Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug."

"I share a commute with three friends. Every weekday for the last 15 years I've driven into the city, taking the road that goes under the river. Now the doctor says I have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

"If you watch cinderella backwards its about a woman getting put in her place."