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Joke of the Day

"I dress like a murderer when I walk through the sketchy park outside my dorm so murderers will be like ""Oh she's cool she's one of us."""

"Ya know what's a real pain in my ass? Anal fissures."

"Why don't blind people like skydiving? It scares the crap out of the dog."

"City Life At first I was Ern(e)st and Young, but then became Standard and Poor: yet when I got broody I was rated as Moody, loosing my triple A score"

"what idiot called it becoming a zombie and not waking up on the wrong side of the dead"

"Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie."

"Did you hear about the witch who couldn't have children? her husband had a Holloweenie."

"I'm ""misinterprets hand gesture and accidentally high fives your fist"" white."

"Last week I tried to give up swearing... ...but said ""fuck it"" instead."

"Broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb twice before she got a hint."