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Joke of the Day

"My kid threatened to hold his breath until i gave him dessert He's now passed out on the floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists."

"A woman was battered over breakfast ...it was waffle :("

"It's so sad... that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs"

"Why do ghosts say booOoOoo? Because they are disappointed in you..."

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"John Boehner killed a bug at the state for the union address It was a House fly."

"british cops are calld ""bobbys""& dont hav guns. i kno a kid in 3rd grade named bobby who has no gun. hes basically a cop if he go to england"

"Apparently Sepp Blatter has resigned to spend more time with his family... ... And his shreddder"

"I don't hate anyone. I just don't like people."

"MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED"