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Joke of the Day

"An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walked into this bar... ..and of course we all know this because they wouldn't shut up about it."

"Why wasn't I able to see the instruction manual? Because the instructions were clear."

"My iPhone keeps auto-correcting ""My iPhone keeps auto-correcting"" to "" You don't have a fucking iPhone, asshole""."

"Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die."

"I like my women how I like my coffee, Without a penis."

"Proves a point Bruce Jenner never had a car accident until he became a woman driver."

"Apparently my girlfriend is a lot like JIRA... They're REALLY good for creating issues."

"How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb? 8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything."

"I baby-proofed my apartment but they keep getting in."

"what's your plan for this rap battle? ""just keep rhyming his name till he can't recover"" dope, here he comes *in walks a giant orange*"