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Joke of the Day

"You never realize how boring life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun."

"Groaner Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare."

"I made a list on how to do an impersonation of Victor Meldrew a) Don't b) Leave it"

"Hey girl, are you an acid? Because you're definitely (aq)-tie."

"They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but 2 minutes and 15 seconds once every 3 months ain't going to shift your beer belly is it."

"Actually....The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is,,,,,, Just open the door and push her out."

"is Kristen Stewart a Vulcan"

"I don't know what you guys think about Michael Jackson... and these blackmail allegations but I'm pretty sure he used to be one."

"When people say 'oh, you're still single?' I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married?' I'm popular."

"Just moved a book to make room for my phone on the table and in that one action I symbolized everything that's wrong with us."