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Joke of the Day

"Alien 1: What are the Humans doing? Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers. Alien 1: I ate my mother. Alien 2: As did I."

"Adult me must concede that a major contributor to global warming was kid me leaving the front door open and heating the whole goddam world."

"If the cat's got your tongue, it's your fault. What did you expect, making out with a cat?"

"Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: I'm stuck on you."

"What is Chewbaccas favorite celebrity? Wookie Goldberg"

"my mom discovered slang. she just texted me ""sup?"" and i wrote back ""not much nigga! just cold kickin it with my breezies!"""

"if my mother-in-law was an actress, she'd be the star of The Cunt for Red October."

"What's the worst possible thing to hear while you're blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."" David Sadaris"

"What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? Its asshole."

"What does DJ Khaled call his mexican friends? Another Juan"