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Joke of the Day

"I once threw a boomerang, not knowing what it was for... Then it hit me."

"I'm like a clogged toilet. I DON'T TAKE SHIT FROM NO ONE."

"If a bunch of nuns wanted to help small business, they could create their own small business writing business plans... And call it 'Nun of Your Business'"

"What do you call a five year old with no friends? [dark] A sandy hook survivor"

"I'm rich beyond my wildest dream... Too bad my dreams were never too wild."

"Nobody's going to see a sticker on a telephone pole and then become a fan of your band."

"I asked the barista for a Nyquilatte. He was really hairy, like a werewolf. A ""wereista"" if you will. I may have already had some Nyquil."

"What musical instrument goes with cheese? Picklelo."

"If you want to hunt birds at night, you should bring a Texan along. They always seem to remember the owl-ammo."

"I told my mom I was going to go work the polls. She replied, ""don't forget to wipe it down before you start your set."""