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Joke of the Day

"Eat* a big** bowl*** of Cheerios****! Part***** of any healthy****** breakfast*******! [please read warnings and disclaimers carefully]"

"Everytime I check my facebook I remember why i'm on Twitter."

"What did the magician say to the cell? Might I conjure Ya?"

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I came to work naked. I want to be a porn star. Now I'm just unemployed."

"[Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot"

"I'm not saying you're fat, but you should consider having CPR instructions tattooed on your chest."

"A joke for you all! Q. What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from jail!?!!? A. A small medium at large!! Just kidding, nigger will probably suffice..."

"All this talk about Trump hating immigrants... Yet he married two of them."

"Most people go talk to a therapist, family, or friends to get shit off their chest... ...I however just go take a shower."

"They said when pigs fly.. But the swine already flu"