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Joke of the Day

"What does a Spanish cow say? Muuuuuuuey!"

"My nan's star sign is cancer. It's pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten by a giant crab."

"Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit"

"Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife!"" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)"

"""Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous"" ""I see a lot of new faces in here this week and i just have to say I'm really disappointed"""

"My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill I told him, ""My door is always open""."

"9 out of 10 dentists recommend crest toothpaste... ...the 10th is in still in hiding for paying $50,000 for the right to murder a lion in Africa."

"Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day."

"What is the difference between a wife and a mistress? About 20kg."

"What will people say when Prince Charles dies? Long live the Queen."