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Joke of the Day

"Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day."

"""This tweet isn't funny yet. Welp, better remove all the commas and capital letters! Ah, PERFECTION!"" --me"

"What's a prostitute's favourite type of bird? A cock-r-two"

"Why do weathermen name hurricanes after women? Because when they come they're wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them."

"Two bars of chocolate are falling down the stairs... ...the first one says:""Shit I think I broke my ribs"". To which the second one replies:""So what, I fucking hit my nuts!""."

"Women's hockey is the most dangerous sport... Twelve women, three periods each."

"Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk."

"As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son's love, I sometimes think to myself, ""This may be the worst prize ever."""

"Stop telling jokes about Zionism. Israeli offensive."

"Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?"