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Joke of the Day

"Me: Compassion is my compass. Him: We've been lost for 3 days and you gave your coat to a bear that looked cold."

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"What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish"
"A satyr walks into a bar... (that's the whole joke)"
"Have you heard about Trumps revision of Obama phones? You'll be able to trade them in for a alarm clock and job application."
"A roman walks in a bar... holds up two fingers and says ""Five beers please."""
"Wanted to get a Ham sandwich, but ended up with a Cheese one by mistake. oops, wrong sub."
"POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: is this the man who robbed u *holds up picture of himself* ME: yes POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: give me ur wallet ME: dang it"
"[trick or treating] ""Oh, what a cute little...what's she doing?"" Me: potty training. ""In my pumpkin?!"" Me: She likes the heated seat."
"Dad- I want you to have everything in this world that your heart desires. *Can I have oreos?* [NO]"
"Taking candy from an American baby is, like, really hard."
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