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Joke of the Day

"I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years. Do I look like I have a 2020 vision?"

"Beginning to worry that, on my deathbed, I'm going to be just lying there, refreshing twitter."

"My friend Gav died last night from taking too many heartburn tablets... I can't believe Gavisgon"

"A close talker, a loud talker, and a cougher walked into an elevator to punish me for not hitting the close door button fast enough."

"I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11. NO WEIRDOS"

"What does Debbie Reynolds sing in heaven? Good mourning, good mourning, good mourning!!!"

"For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday... ...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim."

"A doctor goes to his patient and says ""I have some bad news, you have cancer and you have alzheimer's"" Patient replies ""Well, at least I don't have cancer!"""

"I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it."

"I used to live in Oklahoma... It was OK"