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Joke of the Day

"A close talker, a loud talker, and a cougher walked into an elevator to punish me for not hitting the close door button fast enough."

"My roommate gets angry when I steal their kitchen utensils It's a whisk I'm willing to take"

"How did the mathematician treat his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil."

"[breaks into your house] [steals your shoes] [walks a mile in them] [judges you]"

"I envy how comfortable Waldo always seems in large crowds."

"Say what you want about Donald Trump... ...While you still can..."

"What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)"

"Remember when we used to call the ""self check-out"" - 'Theft'?"

"I was going to tell a gay joke Butt fuck it! Not saying it's original but still funny"

"in Heaven you get back all the chapsticks you lost"