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Joke of the Day

"I feel really bad about being at this girl's house last night. I came in seconds. Besides that, what kind of shitty name is that for a cat?"

"Dudes named Chance never had one."

"[HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes."

"A dating app called ""Hinder"" where some guy shows up in the middle of every date and ruins everything."

"If I am farther than you in candy crush I will automatically think im smarter than you."

"They were having a sale at the hospital for vasectomies... It was a package deal."

"''Daddy, i'm gonna shoot Bacon out of the sky'' ''Yeah, when pigs fly''"

"He died doing what he loved: being alive"

"I just found out that ""Birdman"" has nothing to do with Hawkeye, and now I want to see it."

"I don't know what Do-It-Yourself project Bono has been working on for the past 7 yrs but he must be tired of wearing those safety goggles."