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Joke of the Day

"If you can't handle me at my fattest, then you sure as hell don't deserve me if I ever lose weight. Which could happen, you don't know."

"I'm sorry, you'll have to repeat that. I'm not fluent in nonsense."

"I recently bought an alcoholic ginger beer He wasn't pleased"

"What's the difference between a elephant and a banana?"

"Threw my new neighbors a house-warming party... The police called it arson. Whatever..."

"So I just asked my SO's mother the agenda for tomorrow's festivities... And my girlfriend interrupted with ""Well I'll be female""."

"I can't wait to see the new movie, ""Constipation"" Unfortunately it hasn't come out yet."

"[job int] ""& what are your areas of weakness?"" [leans in so close my nose touches the interviewers] ""I don't like people touching my nose."""

"What do you call an all you can eat pizza buffet? Carb Blanche!"

"The girl in front of me sped up so I did too. She started to run, just like me. Then she yelled for help, me too. I wonder what we fled from"