52249

Joke of the Day

"Walk like an Egyptian is a song, but also a sure fire way to make it safely through a bad neighborhood."

"What's worse than getting dumped by your girlriend? Getting denied by a car when hitch-hiking."

"What did the laziest man in the world win? Atrophy."

"If you love something, let it go. Let it run until it reaches the invisible wall & the shock collar you attached to it's ankle cripples them"

"(x-post from /r/dadjokes) Did you hear about the new ultra-expensive cologne that's for sale? It's called ElonMuskTM"

"If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you're probably holding the taser wrong."

"Medical fact If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle, she'll probably suck it as well! haw haw haw"

"Wore an orange suit for the first time today... I stand by my convictions."

"Wife: 2 is driving me crazy and I want to drive off a cliff. Me: No I need the car."

"What do you call a deaf lesbian? Earmuff"