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Joke of the Day

"If you love something, let it go. Let it run until it reaches the invisible wall & the shock collar you attached to it's ankle cripples them"

"I just asked my friend to come over and ""play husband"". He's gonna be pissed when he finds out we are putting together shelves from ikea."

"Two kittens are sitting on a roof. Which one falls off first? The one with the smallest [](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friction#Coefficient_of_friction)"

"What do you call someone who gets sexually excited by the American Standard Code for Information Interchange? An ASCIIphile."

"Girl are you a prescription from my doctor 'cause you might be good for me but I can't read you at all."

"Had a talk with 12. M: Do you know what a period is? 12: Yes, mom, it's the dot at the end of the sentence. M: ... 12: ... M: Good talk"

"How did the set react when it heard about the Russell Paradox? It couldn't contain itself."

"I often wonder how different it would be if I were to go back to grade school Not so much with the knowledge I have now, but with the penis I have now"

"How do Hawaiian Muslims greet each other? ""Aloha Akbar!"""

"[VERY RACIST-NSFW] So they get married... So a nigger and a Mexican get married, and both sets of their parents are afraid... THAT THEIR GRANDCHILDREN WILL BE TOO LAZY TO STEAL"